How to Get the Perfect Tan
by Cageyspice
Summary: For a vampire, and a vampire's girlfriend, there's just no comparison between a spray tan and the real deal. My entry for the Sookieverse prompt: What's Sookie's favorite Season? Erics?


**A/N: I needed a little pick-me-up and Suki59 at the Sookieverse gave me just the thing…a prompt: What's Sookie's favorite season? Tell us why. How about Eric's? **

**This short story takes place shortly after the events in _From Dead to Worse_. Thanks to my fab Beta extraordinaire, Northman Maille. I love her muchly xo**

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to the very inspiring Charlaine Harris**

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"Sam," I hissed, cocking my hip in annoyance. "Jane says her burger _still_ isn't rare enough." I blew a stray hair off of my face as I plunked her second plate (once again half-consumed) on the counter. I was hot, tired, and fed up.

"Damnation. That's the second burger she has half eaten. I'm not going to have the kitchen make her a third just so she can refuse to pay after eating one and a half dinners." He grabbed what was left of her bun and held the top and bottom up on either side of his head like a well-toasted Princess Leia. "What do you say I shift into a cow so you can ask her if I'm rare enough?"

I sniggered at that and let the tension ease out of my shoulders. We were getting plenty tired of Jane's ruse. Undercooked burgers could be put back on the grill. Overcooked ones needed to be replaced with a whole new burger. It always took her more than a few bites to decide. Way more. But we made more money from her booze than we lost from her burgers, and as one of our steady drinkers, we didn't want to drive her towards one of the other businesses in town. Not that there were many.

Sam's eyes widened in shock, and I started to turn around to see what the fuss was when I heard, "Hi, y'all!"

It was just Arlene.

_Why would Sam— _My brain stopped in mid-thought as I completed my turn and an orange glow assaulted me.

"Hello, Arlene," I said carefully, trying not to stare until I noticed she was preening. Staring was obviously what she was after.

"I know!" she gushed. "Can you believe it? A natural redhead like me with my first tan." She cupped her hand around the side of her mouth and whispered in an exaggerated aside, "It's not real."

She nodded her head at me, and I mouthed 'wow.'

"It's a spray tan," she whisper-shouted, pronouncing each word as if I would never have heard of the procedure. "I got it done by Merline at Curl Up & Dye." She spread her arms out and twirled like some kind of crazy caution strobe light.

Not only was she orange, she was a whole bunch of other fruits as well…tones of tangerine, apricot, mandarin, persimmon, and clementine with smudges of terra cotta...like a citrus arrangement in a flower pot. And this all topped off by a new box of saffron-colored henna from the Piggly Wiggly. I had a bad feeling it was her new signature look.

"And look!" she shrieked, wiggling her fingers in front of my eyes. "I've never been able to wear coral polish!" She puckered up her lips. "And frosted lip gloss!"

It was blinding. I felt like I was about to get a migraine.

"You look real good, Arlene," I said in my most sincere voice.

"I know!" She beamed as brightly as the pigment coating every inch of her body.

"Well, see y'all later," I said. I loved working the first shift sometimes, because, even though I was usually exhausted from staying up late with Eric, it gave me time for one of my favorite pastimes.

I stopped by the local library to pick up a mystery on my way home and tucked it into my bag. Step one was complete.

I trotted up the creaky front steps of my farmhouse, unlocked the door and dropped the keys on Gran's handy occasional table. The doily looked like it needed a good washing and pressing. I slipped it out from under the collection of small things accumulating on the table and dropped it on the kitchen counter. I'd put it in the washer later with a whites load. I stripped off my uniform too. No point in just carrying it back downstairs.

The fatigue seemed to shed from my body as I bounced up the stairs to my room. I rifled around in my underwear drawer for my newest bikini. It was 1950s style, yellow as the sun, and with full bottoms that played up my ample derriere. Eric had become something of a tan line connoisseur. I was pretty sure he'd like this vintage.

I padded through the soft, wilting grass, relishing the feel of high summer under my feet. There was no time of year like this, black-eyed susans and lilies thriving in the moist heat. I stretched on my lounge chair, feeling the aches leave my tired muscles as the sun soaked into my skin. It was no time of year for clothes, not many, anyways.

_Step two. Complete. _

I tucked into my new mystery, eventually putting it aside when shade fell over me from the waning sun, and my body told me it was time for a nap.

I was woken by the feeling of scruff chafing lightly up my stomach. It was twilight and my vampire boyfriend was inhaling my skin.

"Mmm. Summer. I love my Sookie best with a twist of sunlight."

"And I love that you love it," I giggled as his scruff tickled against my ribs.

"I just have one question," he said.

"Mmm hmm?"

"Your bathing suits keep getting bigger, but your lingerie keeps getting smaller. How exactly does one wear this?" he said, waving Gran's lace doily at me.

"Time for step three," I murmured as I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled his mouth to mine.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading my wee ficlet! **


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